Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
