she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize