I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
