He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
