Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
