i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
