I wannas sexs uuuuu
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
