I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
