imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
