Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
