One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The air was thick with penises
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
