Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dick very happy bro
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
