just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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