I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
