wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
