I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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