I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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