We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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