if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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