I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
