i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
