So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
