Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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