I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
