ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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