if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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