you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
