She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
