She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
