Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well I just put wine in my tea
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
