I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
