his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
