Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
