There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
