Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
