I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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