Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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