Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Randomize
