are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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