he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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