who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
