I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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