u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
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I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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