Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
