I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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