She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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