I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
