Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
