this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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