i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
