You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
