Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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