every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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