Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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