Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
