I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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