guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
