After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
