she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
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Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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