you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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