I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
