Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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