FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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