I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
