Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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