Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
