Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
