I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
