so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
