sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
