Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
