She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
