did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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