did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
